The Crisis of Our Times – Too Many Men are Effeminate, The greatest crisis afflicting the family, society, and the Church is the utter collapse of male responsibility and leadership. The status of masculinity is in decline. Effeminacy is the norm, not the exception. To find a man who is not effeminate today is rare.
Effeminacy is an unwillingness to put aside one’s pleasure in order to pursue what is arduous. This is also his definition of sloth, but the difference is that sloth is the aversion of what’s hard whereas effeminacy is the disordered attachment to pleasure.St Thomas Aquinas.
Too many men simply fail to perform the duties of primacy, provision, and protection that their vocations require. As each generation comes around this problem only grows worse. men are being conditioned to be effeminate wimps. And, before any man thinks this does not apply to them, listen to what he lists as the signs of effeminacy in men.
Adam and the Fall
Saint Thomas Aquinas, “the one thing God wants from every rational creature is the sacrificing of their will to His”. God has assigned that The very nature of masculinity is self-sacrifice. He designed man to engage with something difficult and you have to deny how you feel in order to achieve this. That’s why our bodies are constitutionally different
Then Adam fell by taking the effeminate route, certain sins that Adam committed (and there are 8 of them) have been specifically passed on to men, resulting in particular masculine defects.
One of these is inept joy, there was a supernatural gift before the Fall was integrity. In the Fall, Adam looked at the fruit and his lower appetites took delight in the fact that it was pleasing to the eye. The reason should have said not to touch it, but he ate, contrary to reason thus Adam’s gift of integrity, where the lower appetites were subordinated to reason, was destroyed. The appetites then have a life of their own. In this, Adam chose pleasure over reason.
After Eve sins by eating the fruit, she hands it to Adam. In doing so, she tries to take the lead and to take control of him. That’s now the problem that women are stuck with. The problem Adam got stuck with was that he didn’t want to be separated from his wife – he chose the pleasures of being with his wife over and above doing what God had told him. Men now succumb to women ruling the home while they want a quiet life of no responsibility, Adam blames God and Eve for his predicament; part of effeminacy is choosing the pleasure of not having to take responsibility for something, this is something pandemic, we are masters to make excuses.
In toil you shall eat of it all the days of your life; 18 thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you, and you shall eat the plants of the field. 19 By the sweat of your face, you shall eat bread. Genesis 3:17-19
the punishment has to fit the crime, his punishment was to work by the sweat of his brow (utilizing his energy) among thorns (it will be painful). He has to support the woman and be responsible for her, suffering and responsibility those are the two things that God ultimately assigned to Adam and what he has to do in order to grow up
The Cross is the exact inversion of the Fall of Adam and Eve. Christ is crowned with thorns, the blood and sweat of Christ were exactly what builds masculinity.Fr Ripperger.
Christ is obviously the ultimate man because he embraced exactly what builds masculinity and is the reflection of masculinity but he put himself aside in his human nature in order to achieve what he needed for our salvation but this is why priests are supposed to be men women aren’t called to that same kind of a thing. It’s one of the reasons why men are called to war, or to work, normally speaking women aren’t, sometimes they have to work but they shouldn’t.
It’s a disaster when in the church all the matters of religion are being seeded to women, that’s a sign that masculinity is collapsed among the clergy.
The sources of today’s effeminacy?
9 Know you not that the unjust shall not possess the kingdom of God? Do not err: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, 10 Nor the effeminate[….] 1 Corinthians 6:9-10
Everything is too easy, too simplistic, and too pleasurable for men, there is a constant Overstimulation, what people been doing is feeding the appetites of pleasure non-stop day in and day out, they wake up late which is what they’re sleeping there getting the pleasure out of sleeping, they get up, they play video games which is pleasure then they’ll surf on the internet then that’s pleasure then they’ll sit there watch TV that’s a pleasure and then they will go and watch porn, masturbation or do something else, that’s obviously pleasure, every level the boys are just being overstimulated, they are going to dysfunction and be miserable, they grow up and then there are so few jobs out there now that require hard, difficult work, that most jobs just sitting at a desk.
50 years ago if a man reached the age of 18 and was not mature enough to assume the essential obligations of marriage it was categorically considered to be something wrong with him, most men today when they reach the age of 18 aren’t even mature enough to know how to tie their shoes. because they haven’t spent any of their life doing the things that build masculinity instead what they’ve been doing is feeding the appetites of pleasure.
Part of being a man is being chaste because chastity is hard. When the time comes to put the pleasure of technology aside, many men do not have the virtue necessary to do it, and won’t be ready to assume the essential obligations of marriage. The problem with self-abuse and pornography is so off the charts right now, it is just making men effeminate most men don’t conquer that until much later in life.
Maturity comes through suffering and responsibility.Blessed Archbishop, Fulton Sheen.
Technology brings pleasure in its use. Temperance must temper that pleasure or else it will make us soft. Tech feeds a specific kind of effeminacy in men: the constant feeding of the desire for pleasure. Men are designed for the use of tools, as men are designed to work, which is why men get pleasure from tools, as Tech is a tool, with regular use, creates a problem. Nonstop use of technology by boys today is softening them, overstimulating, and makes them effeminate since they have no control of their appetites.
Modern life has made life so easy, now the kids don’t have any chores because life has gone through so simple, how we approach our technology is not virtuous, we don’t give them any responsibility through their teen years then we wonder why they’re 18 and we can’t even trust him to take out the garbage.
Most feminists seek to destroy masculinity. Feminism is a form of self-hatred. Being a woman is perfection, so you shouldn’t have to feel bad about being a woman while feminists are miserable. Women who are really feminine take real delight in seeing someone who is a real man. The devil ultimately wants to destroy what is feminine, because what is feminine is beautiful. Feminists want to emasculate men so they don’t feel so bad about themselves.
There are four forms of effeminacy:
- Sensual (pleasures of touch): food, laying around, doing nothing difficult, besides the sins about the 6 and 9 commandments – the most common form of effeminacy, many men today have not conquered even elementary vices in relationship to temperance, there is no sense of I have to get this appetite of mine under control,
- Appetitive (sensitive appetites from which emotions flow): It’s the pleasure from following emotions, rather than fighting them and following reason, nowadays the Following reason is being beaten out of men in public schools, in the news media, in every form of media, they try to sell this highly emotional man. Emotions compromise moral judgment. Universal truths are clouded by emotional responses. Men should excel in prudence – judge what is good and then do it. If a man looks at something and can’t clearly judge it, or his emotions take over, he is effeminate, while this is more acceptable to [[: women]]. guys who are more emotional than women, this has become a major problem
- Intellectual (pleasure in considering certain things; an intellectual restlessness); instead, pursue the truth, arrive at it, and rest in it. Don’t take pleasure in dawdling along the route. Don’t take pleasure in holding to a specific intellectual position, or in an attachment to one’s ideas, or always making one’s opinion known, or constantly needing to know the next thing on the internet. This doesn’t give a man constancy of judgment if it’s just for the pursuit of pleasure. Intellectual effeminacy affects the clarity of thinking. Intellectual humility is the antidote – follow the Truth, wherever it leads, regardless of the personal cost to you.
- Volitional (self-will and self-love). Someone who constantly wants to do his own thing, while the very nature of masculinity is self-sacrifice. Thomas Aquinas again: the one thing God wants from every rational creature is the sacrificing of their will to His, self-love is feminine because we get pleasure out of loving ourselves, a real man has to put that aside to do his duty, in fact sometimes guys spend more energy trying to get out of work than if they would just do it.
Being a man of virtue
A real man puts aside pleasures to pursue great things. This is called magnanimity.
The effeminate man is always pusillanimous, in every case, because he’s not gonna pursue stuff that makes you great, to really achieve things above all in virtue, because it’s too hard. The real man is the man of virtue. With virtue comes interior self-discipline and self-control. It is the hallmark of a real man, who can stand in the face of evil or pleasure and maintain his interior control, who can gauge things that are hard and arduous and still remain steadfast. A man who wilts is effeminate. A man must master himself to the point where he finds the delight that comes from virtue, not pleasure. This is true masculinity. Embrace what is painful to achieve what is good.
This is the test of effeminacy: take something away from a man that constantly gives him pleasure and see what the response is if they can just let loose with it and walk off, he’s a bit of a man but I guarantee you most of the time all you’re going to do is get someone who’s going to blow their lid which is just effeminate.
What a man is supposed to look like, he should have all of the virtues, the guy who not just physically but morally spiritually, has at interior self-discipline, self-control and is steadfast in what is right regardless of the pain or the pleasure involved.
Self-sacrifice & Fortitude
The end is self-sacrifice, especially in relation to wife and children. A man must provide for and protect them physically and spiritually. if he thinks about himself all the time this is effeminate because he wasn’t designed that way, by the way, that’s the dynamic that God placed in women, not men.
And the Lord God built the rib which he took from Adam into a woman: and brought her to Adam. Genesis 2:22
God created Eve an inclination because her focus is inward towards the children. An unmarried woman has to look for a man who will take care of and protect her for the sake of her children (a virtuous woman), not for herself (a fallen woman). the woman is kind of the pivot in the family, the husbands go to work while the children stay with her, there is this fixity, where is her mother is their home. that’s why women are more concerned about themselves to some degree not as obviously can go to extremes.
When men do that it’s effeminate, Men were designed to put themselves aside If you act contrary to nature you’re going to dysfunction and be miserable, A man of virtue has to be a man of temperance, if he cannot put aside the pleasures of food and drink and women, he is no man, he’s just selfish.
A man needs [[virtues: fortitude|Fortitude]]; a man finds doing difficult things fulfilling. He likes the feeling of being physically exhausted. By nature, men should excel more in fortitude and women intemperance. A true man never counts the cost in terms of pain but in proportion to the means to the end, what he has to do to get this done, putting that the difficulty aside I need to achieve the good for my family for my children my wife, etc… It doesn’t matter how terrifying the world is, how cruel is, for sure [[general:our_times|that’s our future ]], we have to keep the Good fight.
All things are hard. Ecclesiastes 1:8
Chastity & Prudence
Men should excel in [[virtues: chastity|Chastity]] not so much for themselves, but for women. For women, being chaste is for themselves (they can get pregnant). Men must view chastity as safeguarding women and their wellbeing, guarding their integrity (spiritual, physical, emotional, etc). Any man who doesn’t master chastity whenever inside or outside of marriage is no man. When People say “oh he’s a real man because he’s sleeping with all those women”, no he’s not, he’s effeminate because he won’t put aside his pleasure to protect these women from him, this is too common.
- To women, if you’re dating some guy who is basically wanting to violate the sixth command with you, get away from him because he’s effeminate if he can’t control himself in a relationship to you now, he is not going to do it after you’re married, it’s going to get worse
- To guys, your job is a because part of the men is to engage in things that are hard and difficult, your job is to sacrifice yourself for her, d that means you have to provide and protect for her both physically and spiritually, but the primary person you have to protect from her is yourself because she’s more likely to suffer an injury at your expense than anyone else is because she loves you.
Men should excel in prudence, which is the application of universal moral principles in the concrete while women have a better grasp and ability to size things up on a sensory level when they’re good or bad, their emotional life is meant to help children. Men on the other hand are designed more for abstract thoughts.
When a guy follows his emotions he’s actually short-circuiting that ability to think clearly, it is not just whenever it’s right or bad, you need enough information to judge and apply to the concrete situation, the problem it’s that the emotion gets merged with this information, so emotions compromise your intellect, your judgment, the more a man thinks according to his emotions, the more compromised is his judgment and he won’t be ever prudent as emotions are highly unstable.
If a man looks at something and he can’t even clearly judge what the right thing is doing, his masculinity has already been compromised, even if he does know the right thing but his emotions get in there, then he is no man. This is one of the reasons why this all-out assault on masculinity in our culture is causing men to just act ridiculously. A man is the one who can judge what is objective, what is good and then pursue it regardless of how he feels, or how painful or difficult is.
A true man is a just man, in relation to, sacrifice but also the virtue of religion and authority.
The virtue of religion
It’s masculine, praying is hard, the matters of religion are hard, they require a lot of self-denial, there are some guys who say that praying is women’s stuff, that’s just an effeminate excuse to not do what is their duty. there it’s a disaster when in the church, all the matters of religion are being seeded to women that’s a problem, a sign that masculinity is collapsed among the clergy.
In relation to justice, A man must assume authority in the home and must maintain his authority, since the sin of Eve is to usurp authority, A true man knows that authority is for those under him, not for himself. It’s for their protection and providence. Because men have no virtue, they have no ability to carry out authority in a balanced manner, you can’t just hold her down and get some satisfaction from it because then it’s about himself which is effeminate. According to Aquinas, the husband is responsible for everything in the household, but God gave him a helpmate, not a slave, while it is true that God naturally delegates to women by giving them certain perfections.
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner.” Genesis 2:18
Some use the authority structure for their own benefit because they are effeminate, such as the guy who tries to boss his wife around and get her subordinated to him so that she does whatever he wants that itself is effeminate because you’re not controlling yourself, you can’t stand on your own, you’re trying to impose your will because some insecurity and that will cause pain.
There is a duty as a matter of justice to his children and wife to maintain right order and therefore peace in the home, but he does not pursue peace at the expense of his authority peace brings a certain pleasure, but that can’t be the end, the end has to be what is spiritually best for everybody involved.
Meekness & Humility
Anger is a complex passion in which there’s a perception of injury with a desire for vindication: the perception of injury, a real man can take blows, the Philosopher says you can take the blows and still keep standing and St. Thomas says when you do this vindication so the other person stops harming you, you get pleasure out of it, there is the effeminacy. Meekness is the virtue opposite of anger, the guy who’s angry is the guy who’s effeminate, Christ is the ideal man.
Take up my yoke upon you, and learn of me, because I am meek and humble of heart: and you shall find rest to your souls. Matthew 11:29
The point is if he can’t take the needling and he just goes to seek the vindication, that’s a sign of effeminacy, As a real man can just stand there and take the needling because it’s painful but I can deal with that I’m not worried about that I’m just concerned about what’s best for my wife’s spiritual well-being or this particular child, I’m not interested in what I get to meet out this and get that satisfaction from it.
Humility is a truly masculine virtue, we’re not talking about the self-deprecating guy who just walks around, a coward, that’s against fortitude, the definition of humility is the willingness to lead a life in accordance with the truth and not thinking yourself greater than you are. The truly humble man is the man that embraces his defects and embraces what his problems are and that’s painful, it’s hard, requires interior self-discipline and self-control it’s the hardest virtue, especially for men, this is key when it comes to becoming more manly.
Pride is effeminate because we get pleasure out of thinking about our own excellence, it’s effeminate because the person just kind of like takes delight in his own greatness when he’s not usually.
How to Raise a Man
if you’re gonna raise a man, you have to follow Bishop Sheen’s “Maturity comes through suffering and responsibility.”
The first thing you have to do is especially if you’re a mother is you have to be willing to let your boys suffer a bit, not talking about disordered suffering, i’m talking about ordered suffering.
Today boys have no responsibility either there’s no consequences for even when they do something wrong
they have no suffering and
boys again today are constantly feeding that pleasure their appetites and their fathers as well
so suffering in pain what’s the difference between suffering and pain animals have pain they do not suffer human beings have both suffering and pain suffering or
pain is when you physically feel something bad that’s that’s affecting you whether it’s physical or emotional or intellectual etc suffering is
when it goes on for a while and when it goes on for a while it involves a judgment of time
this means that boys must work in things that are physically emotionally mentally and volitionally difficult they must be required to encounter things that are physically difficult to do emotionally where
they have to put their emotions aside mentally and volitionally they must put be put in situations where they are consistently engaged what is hard to do to build self-denial in every level it has to be a consistent thing that they have to come up against now
by consistent i don’t mean constant
if a guy is really going to become a man he has to be someone who is is giving given the age because it’s also based on age
you don’t make some kid who’s five years old go out and till the yard right but you might tell okay put your toys up do these things and and then but once he’s
once he goes through puberty he has to start doing hard physical work he has to start doing things that are difficult and he has to be doing them consistently and
mean not just one hour a month that isn’t going to be good enough because the rest of the time he’s going to be feeding his pleasure and all he’s going to be thinking about is when is his hour going to get over with
instead it should be an hour to two hours every day or every other day
it should be stuff that’s hard it’s difficult and it’s something to do you see stuff that he has to engage in that’s difficult
if it is inconsistent again he will not learn to work hard but to figure out how to avoid hard work
the work must be moderated according to age and condition of the sun so it’s not to be too much but also not to be too little
they must be shown the value of that hard work and what they achieve through that so two there’s two sides of that one is he should get some kind of a remuneration in some sense if possible that
go out and work and do this so that you can actually
and then you give him the 50 cents an hour or whatever you want to give him but you make him do the hard work and so then when he gets the thing he realizes okay this has a good end but
the second part of it is he is he has to be encouraged hey you did a good job that was hard work i’m proud of you you, etc so that he recognized that there’s that affirmation of this is a good thing
this is uh one of the reasons why giving your son everything he wants without making him earn it is bad practice it’s imprudent because what’s going to happen is he’s never going to learn what it really means to be a man by doing things that are hard and difficult
he must according to age and abilities be put in charge of things and be held responsible if they do not work out properly to the degree that he is responsible put him in charge of it if he doesn’t do it then you have to figure a proportion of punishment and so that he learns this is this is life this is the way we then have to grow in masculinity
he must see the fruit of his labor as i mentioned making him work non-stop without any reward or remuneration or benefit according to time and place will make him feel that he’s just a slave in a concentration camp
on the other hand if you don’t make him work he’s going to think that everybody’s really there to serve his needs this is the real problem with the generation today
everybody’s complaining the generation today they want a big fat paycheck they don’t want to have to work for it and yet they don’t and yet they still want to and and everybody owes them something
where do you think this came from it came from the fact that we basically told boys
you deserve this you owed this they brought you into this life therefore they owe you something no they don’t
your parents only owe you one thing to get you to the age of majority in spiritual and physical intactness that’s all their obligation is
he must be taught to appropriate those things under his charge and by appropriate we mean
take care of them want to take care of them those things under him that he’s put in response and put in charge of so that when he does it he takes a joy in seeing that that they flourish those things flourish
because then when he becomes married he’ll take joy in seeing his wife and his family flourish
he sees the value of his contribution to the good of the family even if he even if he doesn’t necessarily get the total amount of his paycheck that he’s working for when he’s growing up at least he sees that the family is getting the good from it
he must learn meekness when things do not go his way he must learn to moderate his anger when i grew up if something didn’t go quite your way if you blew your lid you got your fanny fan as a result of it it was basically hey grow up this is just life here
he must learn humility in all matters
technology must be kept to a minimum that is used only for what is necessary as a general rule he must see technology as a tool and not a toy that is a means of accomplishing those things for those things for those under him rather than for his own indulgence
having him exercise virtue and self-restraint in these areas and rewarding that will help him to moderate himself
when they’re first when you’re first moderating it you kind of got parents have to do it but at a certain stage he has to get on the honor system where he’s the one moderating it for his own sake
recreation must be seen as a means and not an end aristotle says that we engage in recreation for the pleasure’s sake and he says why pleasure because he says pleasure and saint thomas picks this up because pleasure recreates the soul when it’s done moderately if it’s done moderately it causes the soul to dissipate they say which is true
remember when i said that
you want to kind of slap him around and man him up a bit that’s the suffering side of it you want to make him suffer a little bit so he has to deal with it so that he can put his pleasure aside and actually become more masculine it actually matures
mothers must avoid the tendency not to want to see their boys suffer women
o suffering men have to be willing to suffer women have to let men become men and that means letting their boys suffer
guys we’ll take the boy and by the way we’re going to wind down here in about i’ll just get a little bit more so bear with me guys kind of wait for the day when which they can take little johnny who’s four years old right okay johnny we’re gonna go to the boxing ring i’m gonna put these boxing gloves on you of course they’re so big you couldn’t wield them with much force right and you put him in with some other guy so and then they say okay guys
hits the guy in the chest the most wins right and so they’ll just you see the little kids trying to beat each other right and the guys are like that’s it that’s my boy right and the reason being is is because in that process the kid learns okay i can take a bit of a beating and still stay standing and not have to flee the situation obviously this has to be moderated i’m not suggesting by the way you put your kids in boxing rings but what
i’m suggesting is is that women have to let their boys be men
he must be taught by example if the father is absent or effeminate it will be very difficult for the boy to become a man because he will learn because we learn through seeing usually one of two things will happen the guy will just become effeminate like his father or what he will do is he will go to the opposite extreme and pursue a feminist in a different form like getting the joy out of beating other boys up or things like in that
he must also see the father practice the theological virtues especially prayer so that he learns that being a real man includes rendering to god is due and not just indulging himself
that’s the next means the boy must see the father not capitulate his authority in the family because as soon as he sees that he’ll learn that the path is the easy way the way of pleasure
he must also see his father exercise authority responsibly because if he doesn’t see his uh his he’ll grow to hate masculinity because he’ll see that the injustice is being done against his mother
not always by the way uh in the sense of he may not always go to hate masculinity but he’s going to grow to have that impiety in relationship to his father and you see his father showing that his authority is for the and when he sees his father exercising it properly
you see that hey my dad’s a real man because he’s doing this for the sake of everybody else not for himself
he must see his father show true love for his mother and a willingness to sacrifice for her and her children
Authority and Mother
he must learn right order and authority structure by observing the mom submit to the husband and his father loving his wife for her submission but also he goes through the as he goes to the teenage years to learn docility and prudence by following right order
this is one of the real problems in relationship to homeschooling because there comes a certain stage in the homeschooling process where the boys get to this point where they’ve gone through period they’re 15 16 years of age and they don’t think after should be under mother guess what there’s a little problem
this is one of the things that that boys have to learn a true man submits to his mother because it’s hard and because it makes you be a man a virtue and specifically the virtue of piety in which we give honor to those who are above us
here’s the way you make a man up the father comes in and says you’re going to obey your mother as a man of being a man that’s what it comes down to now
on the other hand the mother cannot treat him like a 10 year old anymore which is a tendency that sometimes you see because in the end he’s just going to rebel
if she sees that he’s asking him to do stuff that’s prudent and necessary then he and he does it if he sees that that’s what she’s asking then he’ll actually appreciate actually doing things for his mother and he’ll grow to love her and want to do things to please her
a real man desires from the virtue get he gets delight from the virtue of piety in pleasing his parents
this is one of the real problems with teenage boys is a lot of times they just want to be on their own
well the way you’re on your own is first and foremost conquering yourself interiorly not externally because you’re not going to have freedom externally for a while and even when you get married then there goes a lot of your freedom and then you get a job there goes even more
so the moral of the story is that you have to have that interior self-discipline and self-control that’s where your freedom is gonna lie because you’re gonna be freed from the compulsion of doing things that are wrong for him not to uh
for him to want to do his own thing and think he knows it all as a sign of mental effeminacy
Essentially, how do you make a boy into a man? I’ts all about on developing virtue, he has to be taught what the virtues are, how to obtain them and how to take delight in them, not pleasure in order to reach the goal which is to get him to the age of 18 with all the proper moral, mental and spiritual habits, such as to see things properly without his judement be afected by his emotions and his intelect is illimunated by faith and not his emotions. He wont attach that, unless he doesn’t have some degree of responsibility and suffering.